Oh boy. I fell off the internet for a second there. Scratch that, more than a second, it’s been a hot minute.
Where have I been? All over the place. Doing lots’a stuff. Really, in my own head, I used the senility of my laptop as an excuse to take a hiatus, but burnout was looming and I’m kinda glad the excuse was there or I probably would have ground myself to a nub, rage quit and never come back. After that I spent a good chunk of time introverting; simultaneously recovering from the chaos of the last year and change, and enjoying the peace brought by that disconnection I mentioned in Codependent AF. I’d spent most of my life revolving around other people that I didn’t need to revolve around so only taking care of myself and my responsibilities was a massive relief. It felt really good. I hadn’t felt that freedom before. In the beginning I wanted to savor it because I feared it was temporary. I took more time to be mindful, grateful, to just be and feel good enough. It was pretty alien at first. Thankfully this freedom is only as temporary as my resolve/boundaries and they’re not going anywhere. The funny thing about detaching and learning to say no is that it gets easier every time you do it.
Once the mental clutter was out of the way, I wanted to be pain free. I threw myself into learning new habits and improving coping skills. I went back to the gym and got hooked again. I changed my diet and discovered a new normal without chronic inflammation and constant anxiety symptoms. I went to Mexico for a month, saw the ocean for the first time and legally removed a major source of stress from my life. I cranked out a couple of large commissioned paintings.
I like to think I deserved the hiatus. (That’s a thought that never would have crossed my mind 6 months ago.) Was it really a break though? Not really. I’ve been pretty productive. Call it research and development. I feel like a different person. It’s pretty chill and it took a while for the wonder to wear off. I feel like I have something to offer now. I didn’t feel that way before. Still, I apologize if I left you hanging.
That said, I won’t ramble (more than I already have, heh) and I’ll see you soon with some fresh content. Feel free to curse me out 😉 or drop a content request in the comments.
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